Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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