i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
