There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
MIDGETS
????
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
