This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
