ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
