There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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