also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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