then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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