We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
