I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Randomize
