sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
