Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
