I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
