I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
