Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
