im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
