Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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