Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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