you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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