i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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