It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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