he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
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oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
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Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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