He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
