I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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