Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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