OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
