I could have mohawked her pubes.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
