Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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