I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
