I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
