Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
