Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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