the day after is always just damage control
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
