Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
