You're so nebulous sometimes
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
