did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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