there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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