When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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