I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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