She is in my trunk
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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