I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
