piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
