My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
