sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
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I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
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he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He has the fingertips of a God
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