Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
two words...techno handjob
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
