i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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