Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
