if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
