So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
