And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
