yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
