So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
