Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
