Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize