There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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