I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
