who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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