Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
