I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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