got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize