this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
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