hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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