i barfeds in our rink
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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