I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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