That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
