She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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