I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
