So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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