I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
