So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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