September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize