It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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