i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
God gave him joint rollers for hands
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
