is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
