also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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