So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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