so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
