remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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