Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
