Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
