I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
