he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
ok first of all what the fuck
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