shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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