I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
