If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
